I miss my CRT monitors!

Ok, so I upgraded my bulky old monitor to a shiny new super sexy LCD, but I end up missing quite a few things. You see, now that I have upgraded my CRTs, I don’t know what to do with all the extra space. The main problem I have is now that there is too much open airspace either in front of or behind my new monitors. When I used my 17” CRT monitor, I knew I needed to have a reasonable amount of space on the desk to accommodate the devices. But the majority of computer desks were designed keeping in mind the right face-to-monitor distance ratios so that where exactly at the right distance to view them comfortably.

But now these fancy new LCD monitors don’t take up any space. I sometimes find that the monitor is too far away, because it closer to the back of the desk. And if I push the monitor back, what am I going to do with all the empty space in front of the monitor? I can’t really put anything there because it’s going to block the view. And if I move the monitor closer, I have all the empty space behind the monitor – space that has no real value for shelves or anything else.

What have I gained?

Sure, LCD monitors are sexy to look at, but where am I going to put my cap? At least with CRT monitor, you could keep your unreal tournament figures on the top. But there is no space on the top of a LCD monitor, they are so bloody thin! Now my desktop is a vast sea of unproductive open space, and unless I cut my desk into half, I’m stuck with this awkward setup.

Seriously, what were the engineers thinking when they designed the LCD monitors? Obviously not the end user. And what am I going to do when I will get myself a 48” LCD TV? Yes, I would be able to mount it on the wall, but where the hell will I place my beloved game posters?

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Your computer has a sense of humor!

Ok, so you thought that your computer was just a dumb electronic box. Well, you may be wrong (if you are a linux or unix user). Here are a few outputs that your unix or linux machine will give if you input the following commands:

The C shell

% rm meese-ethics

rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

% ar m God

ar: God does not exist

% “How would you rate Reagan’s incompetence?

Unmatched .”

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?

Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?

Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ Reagan spent, what would I have?

Too many (’s.

% make love

Make: Don’t know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me

bad character

% got a light?

No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?

man: : Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?

Bad substitute.

% man woman

No manual entry for woman.

% %blow

%blow: No such job.

% (-

(-: Command not found.

% sh

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense

no sense in pretending!

The Bash shell

$ drink <bottle; opener bottle:

cannot open opener: not found

$ mkdir matter; cat >matter

matter: cannot create

Do you still believe that your computer is and idiot box? (Windows users: your computers are dumb, just because of windows, accept it).

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Have you ever seen a keyboard like this?

Okay, so you know about all the outstanding keyboards – right from the Razer Tarantula to the ridiculously expensive Optimus Maximus. But this keyboard will surely knock your senses off. I can guarantee that won’t come across a keyboard like this ever. This Das keyboard (I stumbled across the page) claims to be a “keyboard that clicks”. It’s specialty: it’s BLANK. Yes, you read it right, it’s blank: no labels on the buttons – you don’t have anything to look at the keyboard. The reason they quote for this “Like on a piano, since there are no keys to look at when typing, your brain will quickly adapt and memorize the key positions”. And they claim that within a few short weeks users increase their typing accuracy and find themselves typing up to 100% faster.

It’s priced at $79.95. So if you are a keyboard warrior, go ahead and buy this keyboard. And if the prices seems a bit (or more) steep to you, I have a trick for you. All you need is your trusty old keyboard, a pair of scissors, and sticky tape. Next step: cut pieces of tape as per the size of buttons on your keyboard and cover the buttons. Boom! You own personal hand created Das keyboard (or whatever you want to call it) is ready. Cheers!

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Best Geek Pranks

April 1^st is upon us – it’s the April fool day. And it’s the perfect day to show off your geeky skills by playing some geeky pranks. Here is the list of the coolest geeky April day pranks:

1. The easiest and perhaps the oldest one: take a screenshot of the victim’s desktop and apply it as wallpaper. Then hide the desktop icons (right click on an empty area on the desktop – arrange icons by – untick show desktop icons). Don’t forget to put the start menu bar to auto hide as well.
2. Install the BSOD screensaver (the nasty blue screen of death you got when your system hanged) on the victim’s pc. It’s a free download from Microsoft (http://technet.microsoft.com/en-us/sysinternals/bb897558.aspx). Your friend will go nuts.
3. Download the cracked lcd wallpaper and set it as a desktop background. Hide the desktop icons and set the start menu bar to auto-hide.
4. Install VNC on your friend’s computer and then remote control his pc. Then disable the taskbar icon of VNC and have fun controlling his pc remotely as your friend scratches his head ion confusion.
5. If your friend uses an antique ball mouse, just hide the mouse. It sounds far too simple to actually fool anyone, but you’ll be amazed at how long people will curse and slam their unresponsive mouse onto the desktop before actually flipping the thing over.
6. If your friend has an optical or laser mouse, just stick some tape over the sensor and watch the mouse movements go haywire.
7. Use the autocorrect feature of MS Office. Try adding substitutes to commonly used words or the name of the person who uses the system (It would be really funny if someone types his name and sees something like Mr. Dumbass on the screen).
8. Switch the keyboard layout to Dvorak. This will change the layout of the keyboard to an almost alien layout. To switch a keyboard layout in Windows XP, go to the Control Panel (make sure it’s in “Classic View” mode) and click on Regional and Language Options. Under the Languages tab, view Details. Click on Add and find “United States-Dvorak” in the list. Now you’ll see Dvorak show up in the drop-down menu of default input languages. Choose it and click Apply. Mac OS X is much easier: Go to System Preferences, click on International and select the Input Menu tab. Click the checkbox next to Dvorak. You might also check “Show input menu in menu bar” at the bottom of the window. A tiny icon menu will appear in the top right corner (next to the clock), allowing you to switch between keyboard layouts with a single click.
9. If the Windows Messenger Service is active in your environment, write a small batch file that will broadcast a message to a colleague a few hundred times using the “net send” command. Then, watch in amusement as the target keeps on clicking OK on the hundreds of message box that appear on his screen. (Don’t forget to disable your Messenger service after; the victim will likely want to play the same trick on you!).
10. Another simple trick: switch the keyboard and/or mouse cables or two nearby or back to back pcs. And then watch the fun!
11. Modify commonly used desktop shortcuts (like that of MS Word) to point to some objectionable site. Or set them to shutdown or restart the system. Here’s how:

    First: choose a program your coworker/friend uses often. Back up the icon somewhere.

    Right Click on Desktop

    New > Shortcut

    For target type “shutdown -s -t 00 -f”

    Type the name of the program you chose (e.g. Microsoft Word)

    Finish

    Right Click on shortcut > Properties

    Change Icon > Choose icon of chosen Program (e.g. If you chose Microsoft Word the path would be “C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\OfficeXX\WINWORD.EXE” Where XX is the number based on the version of Office)

    You can also copy the comment of the original icon to the shutdown button, so it is even more unnoticeable. Warning: this will cause the victim to lose ALL unsaved changes.

If you have ideas for more pranks, feel free to add them to the comments. Have a happy April fools day.

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My business plan

Hello everyone!

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